We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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