I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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