4 words: hood of his car
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
