his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
