i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
