So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
