just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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