big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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