and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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