well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
