She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
