If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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