he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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