Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
