Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
