we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
