you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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