Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
