no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
