Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
