she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
