OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
