Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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