somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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