you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
