Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
