I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
