He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
