Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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