Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
