My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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