I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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