just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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