she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
