im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
