Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
