last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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