Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
