dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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