we're blogging at a bar
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
