Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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