I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
