my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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