They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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