So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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