I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
