We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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