I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
