I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
a search helicopter?!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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