went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
