The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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