I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
