i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
