there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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