His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
