You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
