great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
