I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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