All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am naked and annoyed.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
