Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
