Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
