Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
