Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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